Category: marriage

The Profound Mystery

Posted on by Susan Panzica

“You’re Still The One” 2015
http://bit.ly/1x7iv9y

As the Scriptures say,

“A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife,

and the two are united into one.”

This is a great mystery,

but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one.

Eph 5:31-32

Paul paints a tangled web in Eph 5. Back and forth in the instructions Paul gives to husbands and wives, he describes the husband and wife relationship as a metaphor for the church and Jesus, the Bridegroom, calling marriage a great – or profound – mystery.

In the New Testament, the word “mystery” denotes, not the mysterious, but that which can be made known only by Divine revelation… In the ordinary sense, a mystery implies knowledge withheld; it’s Spiritual significance is truth revealed. (Vines)

The word “mystery” means something which is concealed, hidden, before unknown; something into which one must be instructed before he can understand it. It does not mean that it is “incomprehensible” when it is disclosed, but that previously it has been kept secret.

The idea of this being a mystery, is only a mystery to those who haven’t understood that this chapter is about Christ’s relationship to His Church.

“Jesus declares you are His bride. He chose the highest expression of commitment between two people to express His commitment to you. Your identity is wrapped up in the reality of your relationship with Christ.” Eric Geiger

Becoming a Christian is like being carried over the threshold into a sunny room. We leave behind darkness and fear and cross into the light. We enter in to a new relationship, a new lifestyle. We begin a new covenant relationship, sealed with blood.

Entering into covenant relationships with our earthly husband and with Jesus Christ are just the beginning of the profound mystery. Each day presents new challenges. Satan attacks marriages because they represent the Divine union. That’s why this past weekend, and once a year, my husband and I attend a marriage conference called “You’re Still The One.” We are now coaches helping other couples learn the skills and tools that have helped us so much. 

Just like these tools help my husband and I to communicate better resulting in a greater sense of oneness, we also need to maintain effective two-way communication with our spiritual Bridegroom to have a greater sense of oneness. Tools like prayer, fellowship, and reading the Bible are essential to maintain that oneness and allow God to reveal Himself to us in greater measure. 

We begin to understand that which was previously “incomprehensible” to us, and the profound mystery unfolds. But unlike an Agatha Christie novel, we will have full understanding only when we see Jesus face to face. “For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.” 1 Cor. 13:12

Until then, we heed Paul’s words in the tangled web of Eph. 5 that provides instructions for earthly and spiritual oneness:

21 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. 
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body. 31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

Connect Marriage Group – You’re Still The One retreat

Posted on by Susan Panzica

Today I’m over at Circles of Faith with a Community article about the monthly marriage group (and annual marriage retreat) at our church, High Mountain Church.

If you’re in northern NJ, consider attending the Connect marriage group, meeting Sat. April 11 and most 2nd Saturdays of the month. It’s for married couples of all ages and diversity who want their marriage to be the best it can be.

High Mountain Church, 681 High Mountain Rd, No. Haledon, NJ

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Is it about the nail?

Posted on by Susan Panzica
I hate to generalize. Not ALL men are from Mars. Not ALL women are from Venus. But there are enough examples in life to make some truisms even if they don’t always apply to everyone.

Case in point – “they” say:

  • Men are problem-solvers. They want to fix problems. 
  • Women are talkers & emotional. They want to be heard, not fixed. 

This issue raises its ugly head in my marriage, and likely does in yours too. My husband Tony thinks he’s trying to help. I assume he’s trying to fix something in me that I don’t think is broken.

So when Tony found this brilliant, hysterical video on facebook, he shared it – on facebook, in small groups, told our patients, pretty much let his entire corner of the world know it was out there.

If you haven’t seen it, you must.

And then after  you watch it, continue reading below:

 

For over 2 years, Tony and I have been enmeshed in a current day David and Goliath fight. Our opponent looks and acts so much like Mr. Potter from It’s A Wonderful Life that I occasionally inadvertently refer to him as Mr. Potter. Our Mr. Potter is a real estate mogul who bullies people into doing his will rather than obey the town ordinances, and unfortunately our house stands in his way.

This week provided another round of worries as we tried to discern what Mr. Potter and his land-moving equipment were up to.

Throughout this ordeal, Tony has tried to solve the problem ~ as men are apt to do. He’s tried to reason what steps we should take or not take as the case may be. There are a few decisions we’ve had to make, but at this point, there’s little we can do but wonder. So this week, Tony did what he’s done before. He took a walk.

His walks in our local arboretum have been incredible transformational times where he’s grown closer to God. And this week was no exception.

When he returned, Tony shared how he had been caught up in a whirlwind of thoughts ~ what are they doing, is there something I can do about it, who should I talk to, on and on. Then he sensed the Lord saying,

“It’s not about the nail: Don’t try to fix it. Just listen to Me.”

It goes completely against his problem-solving nature. I’m so darn proud of my man for seeing this truth, for sharing it with me, and for allowing me to share it with you.

So let me close with this:

Ladies: Sometimes it really IS just about the nail. Don’t be defensive or argue with your husband because his solution to your problem may be all you really need.

Men: It isn’t always as obvious as the nail. Situations we deal with can be complex and unsolvable, at least at the moment. There may be other people or issues involved. Sometimes it’s enough to be a compassionate listener without offering advice.

And everyone: Don’t try to fix things in your own strength. And always listen to God!

“For My thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways My ways,”
declares the Lord.
Isaiah 55:8

Each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself,
and the wife must respect her husband.
Ephesians 5:33 

But He said to me, 
“My grace is sufficient for you, 
for My power is made perfect in weakness.”
2 Corinthians 12:9



Who do you identify with more? The fixer or the one who wants to be heard? How do you resolve differences between you and your spouse?

My husband, the Snickers commercial

Posted on by Susan Panzica

It only took me 25 years to catch on.
25 years of being defensive and overly sensitive. Taking things personally that really weren’t personal.
You see, my husband and I work together. He’s a chiropractor and I manage the office. Ok, I hear it all the time “Wow – I could never work with my husband.” To which I nod, sweetly smile, and say “I could never work with your husband either.” 
But that aside, we have had our challenging moments. Often around 12:50 pm. We break for lunch at 1:00 and, if there’s no patient in the office, around 12:50 he starts hovering. “What are you doing?” “Are you done with that yet?” “How long will you be on the phone?” “I’m hungry, let’s go before I get a headache.” And so on…..
My response usually begins with a rumbling volcano deep in my gut that periodically erupts. Not every day, but far too often. I take his questioning personally like he’s criticizing my job performance, or my wifely abilities, or my character. Sometimes it’s due to his tone of voice. Other times it’s because I’m wound up tight in defensive mode ready to uncoil and pounce as soon as he opens his mouth. And frankly, if I don’t say something in response, I’m thinking it. 
Except for that day last month. 
In he came, and with my fingers on the keyboard and my face to the monitor, my gut started tightening. The questions started, but for some reason known only to God, my reply was remarkably different. The volcano ebbed as I slowly turned in my chair to face him,
     “You’re a Snickers commercial hon. You’re just not you when you’re hungry.”
With the realization that the guy is hungry not angry at me, the pressure cooker valve released as the tension subsided and it was laughter that erupted. 
And now we have a new tagline whenever stresses arise. 
..
Snickers Commercial with Joe Pesci and Don Rickles

“And ‘don’t sin by letting anger control you.’ Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives a foothold to the devil. ... Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior.  Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.” Eph. 4:26-27, 31-32

How about you? Do you find yourself at the ready to defend even if you’re not under attack? How many arguments could be avoided if we sought to extend grace rather than dig our heels in? 

Thanks Tony for letting me share our story! 

Snow and Marriage

Posted on by Susan Panzica

I heard today that February set a record for snowfall by 8 inches. That’s a  lot of snow. So please allow me one last snow lesson. 



This snow shoveling experience differed from my last one in that my husband was around. He took care of the snow-blower, Praise The Lord! And I helped out with the walkway.


Now let me share a secret with you that I neglected to mention last time.

My husband and I have different ways of doing things. Can you relate?


Perhaps, like me, you’ve heard that if two people were the same, one of them would be unnecessary. Or that when two people get married, they make up for each other’s weaknesses. Makes sense. Right?

For example, I have a little problem with timeliness. My husband is rarely late. So the conventional wisdom is that God brought us together to help me be on time.


“Two are better than one….” A true statement, to be sure, but it was said by Solomon, the wisest -yet sometimes stupidest- man who ever lived. He had 300 wives, 700 concubines, and lots of marital issues, which led to spiritual issues. Hmmmm – we take marriage advice from this fellow?


You see, when you’re single, no one ever tells you that the areas where you are different are the points of CONFLICT, people. You don’t argue about things you agree on. So I’m throwing the conventional wisdom right out the window on that one.


Well, when it comes to clearing the pathway and front stairs, my husband and I differ. He clears it to make it FUNCTIONAL, shoveling a path 2 feet wide on the 6 foot wide steps. You can make it to the front door. Fine. It works. For him. Not for me. I prefer it to be completely cleared to look ATTRACTIVE. Now since he usually does the work while I’m inside making soup or hot chocolate, I don’t complain about it.


But, when I cleared the stairs myself 2 weeks ago, I did it my way. For days afterward, I was happy as a clam looking at the job I did. Steps completely cleared.

Fast forward to Friday morning. I stood, shovel in hand, ready to tackle the stairs and path. My husband sauntered over. With each step closer, I got a little hotter from the inside out. You know what I’m saying? Have I ever told you that mind-reading is one of my spiritual gifts? Since my husband, like most men (or so I’m told), is a “problem-solver,” he likes to advise me on the proper method of doing just about everything. (Even things I’m fairly proficient at, like cooking.) He just wants to help. I, however, take it as a negative commentary on how I do things. So as he approached me, I prepared my rebuttal, and he hadn’t even said anything yet. Can you relate?


(By the way, can you tell I’ve been watching Beth Moore DVD’s –
“Can anybody relate?”
“Ladies, you with me here?”
“Can I hear an amen?”)

Anyway…


As I waited for his “You should….,” I readied my response:
     “When you do it, you can do it your way.
      When I do it, I’ll do it my way.
      You want me to do something.
      But you want me to do it your way.”


Well, as those last words rumbled through the empty hallways of my brain, I felt that gentle prick of the Holy Spirit.


God wants me to do things for Him.
And He wants me to do them His way.


His ways are not our ways.
They’re better.
Better for Him, better for His kingdom, better for us, and better for me.


“As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts.” Is. 55:9

It’s not enough to do what He’s called me to do.
I need to do it His way.
Patiently.
Humbly.
Lovingly.
Joyfully.
Obediently.
Sacrificially.
Without resentment, anger, pride, irritation, complacency or humming “I did it my way.”

Can I hear an Amen?

Susan