Month: March 2009

Back to Reality!

Posted on by Susan Panzica

On the way home from the retreat, I received a call from my son,
“When are you coming home?”
A half hour later, I received a call from my other blessing,
“When are you coming home? . . . Hello?? Aren’t you in the same house??
How do you get out a pollen stain?” Back to reality!
“By the way, I’m making dinner tonight, so you don’t have to after your long weekend.”
Ooooh, maybe it’s a new reality!!
Once home, I ask my son to tear himself away from the TV to fetch my other bags.
“Sure, Mom.”
5 minutes later, I ask my son to tear himself away from the TV to fetch my other bags.
“In a minute.”
10 minutes later, I ask my son to tear himself away from the TV to fetch my other bags.
“I will.”
15 minutes later, I grab the remote with fire in my eyes and ask my son to tear himself away from the TV to fetch my other bags.
“Why can’t Lauren do it? I’m so-o-o-o tired.” Maybe not a new reality!

Okay, in his defense, his school play was this weekend, and there was lots going on, and he was exhausted. He did get the bags, and he’s now napping on the couch.
And Lauren is in the kitchen cutting up chicken for our dinner listening to Christian radio. Oh, joy!
And Tony surprised me while I was away by putting up the new curtain rod in the living room.
Aaaaah! Back to reality, new or not, it’s good to be home.

***********
ps-
I have so much to share with you about the wonderful weekend I had with the terrific ladies from the PVCA retreat. In the days to come, I will share some humorous, inspirational and poignant stories and photos. Stay tuned!!

Susan

Check me out!

Posted on by Susan Panzica
Well, thanks to my husband, I’m on the world wide web!
You can see my website at:
It’s still a little rough, but you have to start somewhere!
Other news:
This weekend I will be the speaker at the PVCA’s annual Ladies Retreat.
I appreciate your prayers regarding this event.
That God alone would be glorified.
That women’s hearts would draw closer to Him.
That as we learn more about who we are in Christ,
the more empowered we will be to serve Him as He leads.
Thanks so much!
Next week, I’ll let you know how it went.
Susan

The Lanyard

Posted on by Susan Panzica

Yesterday, I went to see my son perform in his high school play, “You’re A Good Man, Charlie Brown.” He plays Charlie Brown, a character so unlike AJ it’s amazing that he pulled it off. AJ is unceasingly happy. Charlie Brown is chronically depressed. As I watched my son play his character, I saw him experience repeated calamities and catastrophes. He was teased by other characters. He failed at most everything he tried. As his mom, I felt myself getting so emotional at his distress that tears pricked my eyes. It was really his comical character’s distress, but all I could see was my son, and I felt so sad for him, this cartoon character! Sometimes, being a mom is tough stuff!

Then last night, I opened an email from my dear friend Kim. She shared with me this beautiful poem that was read by her niece at the memorial service for her beloved sister-in-law, Marigrace.

If you are a mom or if you have a mom, you will relate:

“The Lanyard”
By Billy Collins

The other day as I was ricocheting slowly
off the pale blue walls of this room,
bouncing from typewriter to piano,
from bookshelf to an envelope lying on the floor,
I found myself in the L section of the dictionary
where my eyes fell upon the word lanyard.

No cookie nibbled by a French novelist
could send one more suddenly into the past —
a past where I sat at a workbench at a camp
by a deep Adirondack lake
learning how to braid thin plastic strips
into a lanyard, a gift for my mother.

I had never seen anyone use a lanyard
or wear one, if that’s what you did with them,
but that did not keep me from crossing
strand over strand again and again
until I had made a boxy
red and white lanyard for my mother.

She gave me life and milk from her breasts,
and I gave her a lanyard.
She nursed me in many a sickroom,
lifted teaspoons of medicine to my lips,
set cold face-cloths on my forehead,
and then led me out into the airy light

and taught me to walk and swim,
and I, in turn, presented her with a lanyard.
Here are thousands of meals, she said,
and here is clothing and a good education.
And here is your lanyard, I replied,
which I made with a little help from a counselor.

Here is a breathing body and a beating heart,
strong legs, bones and teeth,
and two clear eyes to read the world, she whispered,
and here, I said, is the lanyard I made at camp.
And here, I wish to say to her now,
is a smaller gift–not the archaic truth

that you can never repay your mother,
but the rueful admission that when she took
the two-tone lanyard from my hands,
I was as sure as a boy could be
that this useless, worthless thing I wove
out of boredom would be enough to make us even.

Happy Mother’s Day today and everyday to all you wonderful moms out there!

Susan

i am … still Excited

Posted on by Susan Panzica

Thank you so much for your prayers and encouragement regarding today’s speaking event. You are appreciated more than I can say!

As today approached, I was feeling somewhat less nervous than I expected, although my digestive track did get its usual workout (‘nuf said about that!). And then this morning was a complete comedy of errors!

First of all, (ooooh, my vanity…) last night, I decided I really needed to wash my hair! I’m sure no one would have noticed, but I would have been focused on it, so I figured I’d get one distraction out of the way. Not too smart! My thick head of hair cannot be washed at night with any reasonable expectation of attractiveness the next day. Not what I wanted to see 1st thing in the morning!

I tried on four outfits until I settled on the one that hid most of the major flaws. Then, I decided to bring a smaller handbag. After all, I didn’t need so much stuff for this event. When I transferred my wallet, I saw that I had way too much change making the small wallet fat and heavy. Taking my sister’s advice to put the extra change in the car, I threw the heavy load of coins into my blazer pocket to carry to the car. When I got to the car, I noticed that the change was jingling down around the hem of the blazer! It seems that there was a small hole in the pocket – just right for coins to slip through, too small for my hand to retrieve them! With no time to deal with this, I got into the car and headed for the school.

As I pulled up, I saw a huge banner announcing that today was the Open House! So, now not only did I have to worry about speaking to the students and staff – there would also be visitors making decisions about where to send their children for high school. If I messed up, I could be adversely affecting their entire futures! (Do you also put ridiculously unreasonable and unnecessary pressures upon yourself?) Aaauugghh!

As I scurried to the auditorium for a microphone check, I fumbled around the pocket, enlarging the hole and trying to gather up jingling coins that were now circling the hem, slapping my jacket back and forth against my thighs!

To make matters worse, yesterday I had slightly sprained my left ankle and right wrist. I already have a bad right knee, and I was wearing higher heels than I’m used to. Can you picture me trying to gracefully go up and down stairs with no banister while holding my Bible and papers. All the while with huge hair and a slapping jingling jacket. Lord, have mercy!!

To further complicate things, I’ve had a cold for 2 days (it figures!), and my mouth has been as dry as dust. In my Tuesday night class, as I was speaking, I actually spit my cough drop right out of my mouth. So embarassing! Fortunately, I was among mature understanding women (who still went hysterical!) What if this happened in front of 400 highschoolers? So I put the cough drop in my mouth with plans to remove it when it was time to go up to speak. Good plan. Or so I thought until it came time to remove it, place it in a tissue, and now where to leave the tissue? Dangling out of my pocket? Oh yeah – that looks professional!!

And then, as I was waiting to go up to speak, Mr. Kim (the tech guy) replaced the microphone pack that Justin (the other tech guy) had given me. As I stood up to go to the podium, the mike pack fell to the floor pulling the lapel mike down with it. I clumsily picked up the snakelike contraption and held it up for Justin or Mr. Kim to come and save me. Hello??? Could use a little help here! Just a little technically challenged with this stuff! They stared (nicely) back at me, but I could read their minds – “Go ahead, lady, just clip it back on!” I somehow attached the lapel mike to my blazer, but I didn’t put the pack in my pocket. I wasn’t too inclinded to lift up the bottom of my shirt, and if it fell again while I was speaking, I’d be sunk. So now I carried my Bible, my papers, my tissue pack (couldn’t let my nose run while speaking, now could I), and the mike pack and tried to fit them all on the tiny 1 inch ledge of the music stand I was using for a podium.

Finally, God brought me to my senses as I was waiting to speak. I thought – do I believe that God is who says who He is? That’s a yes – so then do I believe that I am who He says I am? Well, I guess I believe that, too. After all, that is the very essence of the message that I was just about to share. How could I convey to these students who God says they are and hope that they will embrace it and live like as His child, His ambassador, His soldier… if I couldn’t do it myself? So I asked God to be glorified and to use me as His instrument, to speak through me to reach one who needed to know how special he or she is in His eyes.

And God did not disappoint! The feedback I received both from students and faculty was so positive. I coincidentally (really?) ran into the woman who is in charge of the Ladies Tea that I am speaking at in April. Barbara was a guide for the Open House and shared with me that, during my message, one student in the family she was escorting started to feel ill. When Barbara asked the mom if they should leave, the mom said “no” – she wanted to hear the end of the message! That also served as a confirmation to Barbara that she had hired the right person!

One of my favorite reactions came from a student who told me that I kept the students attention which, she declared, is not easy to do! Other students’ comments involved some statements I had made that had spilled out of my mouth which were not even in my notes. O… God is so good, is He not?

I’ll keep you posted as this series progresses. The students have been developing some great ideas including terrific speakers, music, art and media to create some dynamic chapels for the weeks to come.

Thanks again for your prayers and your encouraging words!
Susan

i am … Excited!

Posted on by Susan Panzica
As many of you know, I have been writing a book that is tentatively titled,
“i know You are . . . but what am i?”
It’s about what I call the “little i am’s”. God is the “Great I Am”, so we are the “little i am’s”. Each chapter will explore the concept of who God says we are – for example, i am . . . an ambassador, an athlete, a soldier, the bride, salt, light, and so on.
*
After a whirlwind year last year, my progress on the book itself has been SLOW. I put it aside for a while to learn more about how to write and about the publishing industry. But now, I’m back! I had some outside influence to bring this front and center once again. My son!
*
In his Bible & Worship class at school, he and his classmates are assigned the task of putting together the chapels for the entire school. As they were brainstorming a theme, he suggested the “little i am’s”. The students chose it, and I am now “consulting” with the class to present this material to the entire school. It is a thrill for me that they expressed interest in this subject, and I am taking it as a confirmation that God wants me to continue with the vision I have for this book project.
*
I attended the class this morning, and they are such a great group! I offered some advice, but mostly I wanted to hear what their ideas were. A schedule was developed for which topics will be on which day, and they are lining up speakers for each presentation – 6 in all (an athlete, a soldier, etc.). My son, AJ, will be sharing the message about what it means to be clay in the hands of the Potter. (Can I say I’m more than a little proud?)
*
I will be sharing the introductory message this Thursday 3/5/09 at 9:40 am, and while I am so excited, I must be honest – I covet your prayers. I so want to be relevant to the student body (and staff). And while I love teaching and sharing in small group settings, being on stage is just never a comfortable spot for me.
*
And while I’m at it, can I be so bold as to also ask for prayers for the book I am writing? My sole desire is that discovering our true identity in Christ will be encouraging and empowering to the reader. Please pray that I will be focused on the task and that my writing skills improve to present a worthy product. I also am exploring publication in magazine articles. Thanks so much in advance!!
Isaiah 62:2 “The nations will see your righteousness, and all kings your glory; you will be called by a new name that the mouth of the LORD will bestow.”

Isaiah 43:1, “But now, O Israel, the Lord who created you says: ‘Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you. I have called you by name; you are mine.’”

Susan