What happens when you assume?

NewYorker - do cars hate me

 

All my life, I have always been the shyest person in the room. So when my mom convinced me to attend a 2 week sleep-away Girl Scout camp, it was a true miracle. Two girls from my troop went with me so that gave me a tiny bit of comfort, but when we arrived at the camp, I was assigned to be in a different campsite group. I now know that their campsite was right down the dirt path, but at the time, it seemed like a million miles away. I felt totally alone and completely miserable.

Our campsite had five tents with five girls in each. In my tent, there were two pairs of friends. And me.

As things went from bad to worse, in my loneliness, I was absolutely certain that no one liked me.

I cried myself to sleep every night and wrote letters every day detailing how much I hated it there, begging my parents to please take me home.

After a week of despair, my counselors allowed me to transfer to my friends’ campsite. It only took one minute there to realize I had made a big mistake. The disgusting smell that greeted me at the entrance was the first of several huge disappointments. In less than an hour, I asked to go back.

Never had I been so bold.

Fortunately, the powers-that-be let me return to my prior campsite and tent. My counselor sat me down for a long stern talk by the river.

Later, my 10 year old tent mate, one half of one of the pairs of little friends, assured me that she was happy I was back, and she said something that I remember to this day:

“How do you think it makes us feel when you say we don’t like you?”

Her words cut me to the core. In a good way. I hadn’t given their feelings any thought. I was too preoccupied with my own. I had made assumptions about these sweet pairs of friends that were completely untrue based on my own insecurities.

The second week at camp was completely different. I had such a good time, I cried buckets of tears when it was time to go home.

It’s been forty years, and how often since then have I made assumptions about people that turned out to be completely unfounded. I projected my own insecurities onto someone else, viewing their actions through my muddled lens.

I think we all remember Felix Unger’s famous lesson about assuming:

 

All kidding aside, false assumptions can create serious consequences, resulting in critically damaged  relationships. In his book Emotionally Healthy Spirituality, Pete Scazzaro says:

“Every time I make an assumption about someone who has hurt or disappointed me without confirming it, I believe a lie about this person in my head. This assumption is a misrepresentation of reality. Because I have not checked it out with the other person, it is very possible I am believing something untrue.”

As a believer in Christ, I want to live in truth. Holding onto assumptions creates storylines in my head that cause me to live in a false reality.  Since God is Truth, by filling my head with false assumptions, I’m essentially not making room for Him in the limited space in my brain.

Of course, sometimes my assumptions are correct. But for the sake of healthy relationships, it’s necessary to check with the person about whom I’m assuming to verify the truth.

In Acts 17, the Bereans listened to Paul and Silas, and rather than assume their message was true or false, they did their “fact-checking.”

Now the Berean Jews were of more noble character than those in Thessalonica, for they received the message with great eagerness and examined the Scriptures every day to see if what Paul said was true. Acts 17:11

How often do we make assumptions about others? About our circumstances? About ourselves? About God?

How much healthier would our relationships be if we took the time to fact-check and to clarify assumptions?

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For more about assumptions and expectations, check out the Emotionally Healthy Spirituality materials at http://www.emotionallyhealthy.org/.

And/or a quick take on my previous blogposts:

http://susanpanzica.com/not-so-great-expectations/

http://susanpanzica.com/great-expectations-not/

Get Out!!!

Jn 13-34-35

The muggy air was so thick the weatherman described it as “air you wear.” I absolutely didn’t feel like going outside, especially since my task that day was to tackle the overgrown weeds in the garden. But my schedule didn’t allow for another day, so out I went. 

And I’m so glad I did. I learned so many valuable lessons that day that I started taking notes so as not to forget. While I was outside up to my elbows in dirt, neighbors passed by, either by car or walking. I looked a mess and felt a little self-conscious, but the lessons learned were well worth it.
One of those lessons was simply the act of going out.



The first neighbor stopped her car to ask if my husband had a guitar he could lend for a memorial service for our dear friend. The son-in-law was traveling from across the country and if he could borrow a guitar locally, he wouldn’t have to carry one. There is no one better to ask for a guitar than my husband (worship leader and rock star), and we were so glad to be of service.

Another neighbor needed a ride to help her brother who was suddenly and severely injured, and because she had seen me and knew I was around, she felt free to call and ask for help.

Then a third neighbor, a young college student, stopped by, and I was able to ask him if he was interested in earning some money this summer helping me with the yard work that I’m not able to do (thanks to my three knee surgeries). Turns out he’s very interested – a win-win for both of us.

These aren’t huge events whatsoever, but they are service opportunities that wouldn’t have happened if I stayed in my house like I wanted.

In the NY/NJ area, this weekend culminates a nine month outreach called CityServe, a Gospel-driven movement that identifies, develops, and nurtures church-connected, neighborhood-focused collaborations throughout the boroughs of NYC in the areas of justice, mercy, and education.

This weekend for CityFest, there are tens of thousands of Christians gathering in Times Square and Central Park worshipping God. But for the past nine months, Christians have been urged to get out of their churches and into their communities. I have been privileged to serve on the Justice track of NJ CityServe, raising awareness about human trafficking and creating opportunities for churches to engage in justice work in their communities.

The intention is to share the gospel by serving our neighbors, to get out of our church buildings to engage in the culture and the community around us–to share the gospel by doing before speaking. 

We can all do this wherever we are. Rather than expect unbelievers to come to us, we need to go to them, to connect with them, to meet their needs.

When asked what is the greatest commandment, Jesus replied, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.” Mk 12:30-31

What can you do to get out of your house or church and enter into the community around you, seeking to serve and save those that are lost?

“A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.” John 13:34-35

Be A Sheep!

I was a sheep yesterday.
I didn’t plan to be a sheep. After a particularly long work day, I planned to put my feet up, zone out a little on Facebook, and maybe get to bed early in preparation for a big event the next night.
But a tiny sentence on Facebook set in motion other plans. A friend asking for prayer indicated she was down, at “rock bottom.” Struggles that had been increasing in the past year now threatened to sink her.

I called to see if she wanted company, and was honestly surprised that she did. So over I went. And in the end, I was never so glad to put aside my plans for His.
I didn’t do anything noteworthy. Just sat on the couch with her so she didn’t have to cry alone. No special skills needed.
So often, we think that to do God’s work, we need an exceptional anointing, a wealth of Bible knowledge, remarkable speaking or leadership abilities,when all God really wants is someone willing to set aside their own agenda for His. [Tweet this] 
Matthew 25 tells us that in the end, the King will separate the sheep from the goats. The distinction between them is who gave of themselves – who gave something to eat, drink, or wear, who welcomed a stranger or a prisoner into their company. The King says when we do that for the “least of these brothers or sisters of Mine, you did it for Me.”
To serve the King, we don’t need special skills. We don’t need anything more than a willingness to be used by the King.
It’s such a simple message, but one I learned anew last night. Despite how tired I felt going to my friend’s home, I felt infinitely lighter, stronger, and renewed in spirit on the way home. To be used by God in a small matter is no small matter at all.. [Tweet this] 


What can you do today to be a sheep?

photo credit: Lightstock.com  



When troubles strike…


It was my first visit ever to the gynecologist. I never felt so awkward and uncomfortable. But nothing prepared me for the words I heard the doctor say to the nurse standing by the door taking notes.
“blah, blah, blah, a tumor, about 10 centimeters, blah, blah, blah, blah…..”

Woah! Hold on there! Did I hear that correctly?

But the doctor wasn’t speaking to me. I might as well have been a slab of beef he was inspecting before throwing on the grill.

Later in his office, he explained that, Yes I had a very large (“the size of a small cantaloupe”) tumor on my ovary. It was almost certainly benign, but would have to be taken out the old-fashioned way with a slice across my abdomen, hip to hip. Really, God?  

Through a series of events, misadventures, and clear leading by the Lord, I ended up switching doctors, hospitals, even cities (from NJ to NYC) just days before the surgery.  I clearly sensed God directly me every step of the way and was practically floating as I experienced His peace that passes understanding in a whole new way.  

While I was in the hospital for a week post-surgery, my new boyfriend (now my husband of 26 years) came to visit and shared a Scripture verse with me –

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God”. 2 Cor. 1:3-4

It was nice of him to mention it, but frankly I didn’t identify with it at all. In my hubris, I thought I knew all the Scriptures that would apply to my situation, and that one just wasn’t one of them. Or so I thought.

For the rest of the story, click here to Laced With Grace
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 ps – As many of you know, I’m the co-founder of Justice Network, an organization dedicated to raising awareness of human trafficking and showing ways to make a difference from here. Our current initiative is a social media campaign using this Sunday’s Super Bowl as a way to raise awareness of the issue. We call it the #HTchallenge. We’re asking people to go to our website  [www.htchallenge.net] and share our images, quotes, and stats on facebook, twitter, Pinterest, Instagram, your favorite social media using the hashtag #HTchallenge. All the information, talking points, etc. are on the website

Part of the challenge is also to “donate” a tweet/post that will be published simultaneously with hundreds of others during the halftime show. To register:

1. Click here: http://bit.ly/1eFBIAI
2. Click the button for Twitter and/or Facebook
3. Click “add my support”

Thank you for helping in this worthy cause!

Hang In There!!

There they sit, like giant beached whales. Mounds of snow, at the edges of fences, by the sides of highways, in corners of parking lots, our lawns still cloaked in white. The recent rain, wind and warmer weather washed away much of the snow; yet there still remain piles of graying white.

 
 
Each of those snowflakes that fell en masse last December were so delicate, it’s amazing that they are still present a month later. What can we learn from these fragile flakes that have such staying power? 

1. They stick together. 
Despite the fact that one person can make a difference – which I absolutely believe – it is also true that there is power in numbers. 
 
We simply were not made to go it alone. God made us to be part of a body, His body. He made us for fellowship. And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another. Heb 10:25 
 
God said, “Let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness…” Gen 1:26 He is one God, but He is a plural God (like one family or one class or one snowstorm are singular, yet plural.) He is in fellowship with Himself. We are made in His image, and therefore, we need to be in the fellowship of believers. We are made that way for a reason. We are stronger together than we are alone. 
 
Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. Eccl. 4:12
 
2. They were pushed out of their comfort zone.
Oh, it’s so much easier to stay within our comfort zone, isn’t it? But those flakes that remained so comfortable out on the open lawn were the first ones to melt away. It was the plowed flakes, the ones that got pushed and shoved around that remained. If the snowflakes could speak, they would say that it sure didn’t feel good at the time. To the snowflake, the plow seemed brutal, a real bully. But it was precisely because it yielded to the plow that it survived. 
 
When we don’t understand our circumstances or we have to change our status quo, we have to recognize that there is Someone greater than ourselves in control, Someone who has our best interests at heart. 
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jer. 29:11
 
Recently, a friend shared this excellent quote with me:

“Comfort is the breeding ground for mediocrity. Hardship makes you find your greatness.”

If you’ve been trying to go it alone or if you’ve been facing a difficult struggle, hang in there. Remember the frail snowflake that first arrived a month ago and is still hanging around; and recognize that you are on the road to greatness!
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January is Human Trafficking Awareness month. Tonight January 15, the NJ Coalition is hosting a Human Trafficking Awareness Event:

New Jersey’s Annual Human Trafficking Awareness Day Observance will feature performances including the premier of “A Day In the Life,” singer/songwriter Courtney Wong, and the Justice Movement Dancers among other influentials. January 15, 7:00 pm, Bergen Performing Arts Center (PAC), Englewood. Click Here for more info and to RSVP >>

What Not To Wear

My 9 year old self LOVED to dress up!



It’s October 31st and millions of people will spend billions of dollars to eat candy and dress up as someone (or something) else today. It may be fun to dress up as someone else for an event. But what about when we habitually wear an invisible mask to hide who we really are, when we pretend to be someone we’re not.


To read more, click over to Laced With Grace. And please leave me a comment. You know I love to hear from you! 

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Just Too Busy

Just Too Busy is for anyone who is… well, just too busy! And since I don’t know anyone who isn’t too busy, I guess this book is for you, especially if you are the chief cook, chauffer, maid, nurse, sideline coach, and/or tutor in your household.



For me, this book is more than just a good read. It is the culmination of a dream of a dear friend. Joanne Kraft and I met at my first writers’ conference. We shared a lunch, a prayer, and the beginning of a cherished friendship. At that conference, a master discourager tried to convince Joanne to abandon writing her book, devastating news for any writer. After buckets of tears, hugs, prayers, and a phone call home, wise words from her husband Paul [“Remember Who told you to write this book…”] brought clarity and peace to both of us.



In her ‘day’ job, Joanne is a 911 operator, and she has saved me from disaster on more than one occasion. We may live a continent apart, but when we talk, it’s as if we’re sitting across the table from each other.
And when you read her book, it’s as if she’s sitting across the table from you, sharing her personal experience of her family’s victory over busyness. Joanne speaks and writes with sidesplitting humor. She’ll make you laugh, and make you cry, but mostly laugh.
Here’s the official blurb about her book:
  • Just Too Busy is the true story of the Kraft family’s head-on collision with busyness and the twelve-month experiment that changed their lives. When their children could recite the dollar value meals at McDonalds faster than their times-tables, they knew something was very wrong. So, instead of continuing their bad habits and fitting more into their schedules, they took a year off from all activities and learned how to be a family again. 
  • In this book, readers will laugh their way to learning the ten tell-tale signs that they are too busy and discover the symptoms for a common disorder known to moms today: A.D.D. (Activity Denial Disorder). Families will find simple ways to guard themselves from the temptation of constant distraction.

Even though my children are young adults now, I found myself relating to the busyness that Joanne describes. Overcommitment is something that I regularly have to guard against. In the first chapter, Joanne says, “even the good things in life can become the enemy of the best things in life.”
To combat what she calls the “captivity of activity,” Joanne and her family took a year-long “radical sabbatical.” They stopped almost all extracurricular activity and learned what it means to spend time together as a family. Just Too Busy takes us through their experiences, high and low, and provides insight and advice to anyone looking to simplify life. You don’t need to go on a radical sabbatical yourself to enjoy and apply the principles in this book.
Because I know you’ll love it, I’m giving away a copy of Just Too Busy! To enter the drawing, share a comment with me – either here on the blog, on facebook, or in an email reply. Let me know why you’d like to read it or share your funniest busy story.
  

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Finishing Well

Many thanks to all for your prayers and good wishes for AJ. He finished well!  He experienced some knee and hamstring issues about 3/4 through, but pressed on. 


He finished in 3:22:19.62 (8 minutes ahead of his goal time) qualifying him for the Boston Marathon. He placed #114 out of 1856 runners and in the top ten of runners age 20 -24 (he’s 20). 


Here’s some pics (thanks to Lauren, Anita, and Phi Sigma Kappa):


bright and early – start of a great day




before the race – mental prep




crossing the mile 4 & 8 bridge
“AJ’s running a marathon, yet still takes great pictures” Dave M.




“gonna fly now” (Eye of the Tiger – Rocky theme)



greeting his Phi Sig brothers at mile 11




approaching mile 23 hydration station (leading the 2nd pack)




mile 23 – recharged!! 




heading home!
cue Chariots of Fire music here” Lauren




roommate James running the last mile with him




FINISH LINE!!! 




“Run in such a way as to get the prize
…to get a crown that will last forever.”
1 Cor. 9:24-25



I’m so proud of this boy. He sure isn’t perfect that I know. I don’t want to be  one of those blind “can you top this” moms. But he accomplished what few do. 
And it wasn’t just completing the marathon. 

He had over 30 supporters there – family, school friends, church friends. These wonderful people to whom I am most grateful sacrificed time and money to be there at the crack of dawn and lend their support to this zany kid (“he’s the happiest runner” Dave M). I know others wanted to be there, but supported him in other ways. Why? One of his fraternity brothers summed it up in a text “AJ’s always there for us. Let’s be there for him.”  

We reap what we sow (Gal. 6:8). Sunday’s victory was not gained on that day. It was the months of preparation that allowed him to go the distance. And the support that he received was because of his daily investment in the lives of others, over months and years of relationship.

whoever sows generously will also reap generously.” 2 Cor. 9:6


http://www.razoo.com/story/Ajpanzica

Can You Top This?

Heading to my brother’s home a few weeks ago, I passed a line of newspaper boxes. A closer look made me laugh out loud.
In the center was a box selling The Times,
with a sign stating  “No. 1 with Readers.”  
To the left of The Times was a box selling The Trentonian,
boasting a sign declaring “AHEAD of the TIMES.”
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Reminds me of some people I know – the “Can you top this?” syndrome:
“I had a such a busy day today. Couldn’t even stop for lunch.”
     “Well, my day was so busy, I didn’t have breakfast, lunch or dinner.”
“My daughter played varsity soccer.”
     “My daughter was MVP in soccer, basketball and lacrosse.”
“I enjoyed my trip so much, I took over 100 pictures.”
     “Well, on my last trip, I took over 400 pictures.”
“My mom was such a good cook, we never wanted to eat out.”
     “My mom was such a great cook, she was featured in Gourmet magazine.”
“My son was on the honor roll.”
     “Well, my son was valedictorian.”
“As a kid, we were so poor we didn’t have paper to do our homework.”
     “Well, I was so poor, we didn’t have toilet paper.”



You know people like this. As you start to share your story, their minds are only half-listening, just waiting for the moment to share their own better-than-yours story. They can be sad/sadder stories OR good/better stories OR funny/funnier stories. It doesn’t matter. What matters is that that person’s story tops yours in some way.

I imagine the people who lived in Corinth were like this. One-third of all the references of the word “boast” in Scripture can be found in Paul’s two letters to the Corinthians. His many comments on boasting can be summed up like this:

  • Love doesn’t boast. But if you must boast, let it be about the Lord or about your weaknesses in which the Lord’s power is glorified.*

Can you top that? 😉

*Therefore, as it is written: “Let the one who boasts boast in the Lord.” 1 Corinthians 1:31

*Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 1 Corinthians 13:4

*But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 2 Corinthians 12:9

Hang in there!!

There they sit, like giant beached whales. Mounds of snow, at the edges of fences, by the sides of highways, in corners of parking lots. For the entire winter, our lawns were cloaked in white. The recent rain, wind and warmer weather washed away much of the snow; yet there still remain piles of graying white.


Each of those snowflakes that fell en masse last December were so delicate, it’s amazing that they are still present in March. What can we learn from these fragile flakes that have such staying power?

1. They stick together.
Despite the fact that one person can make a difference – which I absolutely believe – it is also true that there is power in numbers.
.
We simply were not made to go it alone. God made us to be part of a body, His body. He made us for fellowship. And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another. Heb 10:25
.
God said, “Let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness…” Gen 1:26 He is one God, but He is a plural God (like one family or one class or one snowstorm are singular, yet plural.) He is in fellowship with Himself. We are made in His image, and therefore, we need to be in the fellowship of believers. We are made that way for a reason. We are stronger together than we are alone.
.
Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. Eccl. 4:12
.
2. They were pushed out of their comfort zone.
Oh, it’s so much easier to stay within our comfort zone, isn’t it? But those flakes that remained so comfortable out on the open lawn were the first ones to melt away. It was the plowed flakes, the ones that got pushed and shoved around that remained. If the snowflakes could speak, they would say that it sure didn’t feel good at the time. To the snowflake, the plow seemed brutal, a real bully. But it was precisely because it yielded to the plow that it survived.
.
When we don’t understand our circumstances or we have to change our status quo, we have to recognize that there is Someone greater than ourselves in control, Someone who has our best interests at heart.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jer. 29:11
.
Recently, a friend shared this excellent quote with me:
“Comfort is the breeding ground for mediocrity. Hardship makes you find your greatness.”

If you’ve been trying to go it alone or if you’ve been facing a difficult struggle, hang in there. Remember the frail snowflake that first arrived in December and is still hanging around in March; and recognize that you are on the road to greatness!


 

ps – the winner of our giveaway book The Hole In Our Gospel is Marja Meijers. Congratulations Marja, and thank you so much for your encouraging comments and for sharing Eternity Cafe.